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Wo-man Up!

September 10, 2011

I had an epiphany; a throw your jazz hands up and rattle your head kind of epiphany. Ready? Women are not men.

My epiphany occurred during a disappointing bout of boring sex. Now before you get your boy shorts in a twist, let me explain. Midway through the overly rhythmic and creaky lesbian sex, I had the unfortunate thought of a man. I thought, “yuck. this is like having sex with a man”. Afterwords, I realized how ironic the situation was. So often lesbians compare themselves to men; in the bedroom, in the office, even in Home Depot. If your more femme counterpart is comparing you to a man, please use this as a reference; it is never a good thing.

When did the word “man” replace the word “confidence” in the lesbian community? There is no giving it to her like a man. We want lesbians, giving it to us like they will die without it. If you had a penis, we wouldn’t suddenly ride you into tomorrow. Apparently it’s a convenience issue. I’ve come across the concept that if a woman had a penis her work load would decrease, while her pleasure load erupts; she would automatically be aroused and ready to penetrate all while her partner is bouncing, clapping and screeching “put it in! put it in!”. We can conclude that hetero-sex appears easy (minus the vomiting), but it is not better. It’s boring enough for the bible for God’s sake.

If you find yourself fantasizing about having a penis (and not in a fun role-playing manner), what you are actually wanting is the confidence and passion to make love with ease upon command. There is nothing more gratifying than two women together … or even watching a hot chick on a ladder. If your girl labels herself bisexual, trust me, there is no grande gesture a man can present in order to steal her away. You can make her feel hotter, safer, and stimulated in a worldly fashion. Once you give up on her, stop taking emotional care of her, and get lazy in the sack, well then it’s fair game in her world. Not to worry, you have the home team advantage.

One Comment leave one →
  1. November 15, 2011 6:43 am

    Yes! Thank you for saying this!

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