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Soy Sexy for the Holidays

November 18, 2011

The untimely snow has melted, and oddly enough, preserved fall beneath it. Food and gifts are now on the mind of every woman in America, and I am out to convert her. There is nothing less sexy than a woman who doesn’t understand what she has in her mouth and wrapped around her body. I lure women in with truth, and lead by example. I start them off slowly, and in the end they almost always find they love what they never knew they could; Tofu. The sexiest, most flexible ingredient on the planet looks both appetizing and festive when served correctly.

I know you all love animals, humanity, peace, and yourselves. You enjoy being proactive, and putting your dollars toward cruelty free foods and clothes. Trust me, everything you enjoy, from your favorite comfort food to your combat boots or stilettos, has an equally awesome alternative. I could take the route of informing you on the inhumane practices of factory farms and such, but holiday shopping is so much more fun (and surprise, it’s cheaper this way)! Check out this jacket my lady friend has been directed to buy me from modcloth.com:

A hot, kind, of lesbian jacket

It’s going to look so good with these shoes she is destined to wrap up from ASOS:

Holidays are about family and fun. My favorite part of Christmas morning is watching Agnes undress in order to try on her new clothes (jokes on her), while my cats roll around in cat nip (they look ridiculous). I then enjoy eating, a lot. There is no better feeling than knowing my pleasures don’t directly or indirectly hurt anybody, and that when I send out that Holiday card reading “PEACE” on the front; I mean it.


		
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