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Hold the Phone

December 29, 2011

As a writer, I should probably have my own laptop. I use my girlfriend’s Mac daily, but here I am at work posting a blog using my oh so smart phone due to a lack of inspiration at home.

Home has been a tough place lately and I seem to have entered a delusional state of home making; vegan baking. You name it, I baked it this week. Cookies, cupcakes, curried chickpea patties.

I never related to the Betty Crockers of the world. Why would a gorgeous intelligent woman of the world spend her nights whisking anything but a lover? Yet I found myself at Whole Foods buying toasted sesame oil and organic cane sugar, excited to get home and get my hands dirty in an alarmingly none sexual manner.

The cause of my three-day spell of domestication is simple; denial. I have lost myself along with my loving three year relationship. I can’t think about anything but her, our demise, possible solutions, past joys, and a questionable future. I finally understand the lure of the kitchen, the simplicity of ingredients and the pleasure of being able to control the outcome of a cake. Then, I get to stuff my face with my accomplishments.

Today I feel more like myself. I once again have the desire to shed these holiday pounds and start up my yoga practice again. As for my relationship, I’m not confident in it’s core. I leave you with this question, what is your definition of weak vs. strong? I have been struggling with their similarity.

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