Skip to content

So Do They

November 8, 2013

Since meeting my girlfriend of five years, butchness is what I’ve gawked at and admired most in the lesbian community. Who isn’t attracted to a butch’s confidence? I’d even say I have a lethal attraction to “players”. Now, take one of those butchtastic, smooth-talking tops and U-haul it to paradise. My curvacious dreams had been realized, I found somebody who loves to squeeze my thighs, bite my dimply ass, and politely tell me to shut up.

I live with my hot boi-friend, and we also share the space with a bi-sexual besty of mine. Stick three women in a Long Island apartment together and watch everything you thought was true unravel. The low self esteem my roommate and I share, can be looked at as typical. We wear dresses and cry. We don’t wreck anything but our egos. We believe we are fat, we are desperate to be loved, and we are so god damned needy, it’s pathetic. Wait! We are also two of the most intelligent and kind people you will ever meet.

I’m opinionated to a fault and people generally strive for my confidence. The latter excludes my partner. My inability to trust her attraction to me has at times began a viscious cycle leading to our demise. So imagine my surprise when she told me she would consider liposuction. She only had to say it once, and all my assumptions regarding butch (even of the soft variety) women shifted. It is not her transparent “gay”ness that makes her insecure in public. It is not her Polish speaking upbringing that causes her social anxiety. The reason her swagger only comes out after a few beers, is not because she is busy trying to stifle her sexual prowess out of respect for women. It’s because she IS one.

Gay, straight, black, white, asian, fat, skinny, single, married, we all have that one thing in common. We have different backgrounds, training and outlooks; but deep down inside, no matter how we choose to live and appear, there is a nagging “be better” that has been learned. Society, family, tradition, something has taught us all to be more feminine, stronger, quieter, louder, skinnier, curvier, more independent and less alone. It’s unrealistic and it’s what we can’t avoid sharing as women, even if it is not obvious in our most intimate inter-relationships.

Advertisements
No comments yet

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: